Moonlight shadows
by Snowheart
Summary: A fic depicting what happened in the past from Yue's point of view


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Moonlight shadows

Darkness…

It surrounds me, clinging on to me as I struggle to breathe. 

No, I do not want to return, not now, not just yet. 

Yet, the Darkness, it still lingers…unwaveringly, it is draining me now. Perhaps, perhaps, I should just close my eyes and rest a trifle? No, I might never wake up then.

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But…Clow is dead now.

Or was he? Even as I remember Clow dying right in front of me, I still struggled with this mental image. Was he really dead? Then, maybe, I should just rest then… 

Perhaps, this will let me forget my grief, my pain. I knew I would never love another the same way again. Clow was my master, and in the same way, my guardian. It was he who had saved me from the chains of destiny, he who had allowed me to live an immortal life escaping from the cycle of life and death, and he who had showered me with the love and care as one would bestow upon their own flesh and blood. 

Deep within me, I knew I hungered for the warmth humanity had to offer. However, try as I might, I just could not allow emotions to seep into my cold emotionless heart.

It was only in the time frame when Clow was dying that I experienced an acute pain in my chest. This, as I have come to learn, was grief. Even Cereberus, who was usually wildly exuberant, was solemn as we watched Clow. Seated in his majestic armchair, Clow was smiling at both of us gently. His soft aesthetically pleasing features gave him a very gentle and caring look. Clow's magic circle which depicted the Sun, the Moon and the constellations surrounded all three of us now, the Master and his two guardians, and was glowing ever so softly, faintly…

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Yue…I remember Clow bade me to come forward.

I came forward and he held me close to him. I could feel his breathing. His strength was ebbing slowly. Clutching his magnificent cloak that was beautifully embroidered with gold patterns depicting the universal constellations, I could not help the surge of fear that suddenly overwhelmed me. This fear was fear that writhes in my veins, fear that pulses along with my blood and fear that threatens to shatter my peace. I feared that Clow was leaving me. 

Even Clow, the most powerful magic wielder of his time, was not omnipotent. He still could not detach himself from the cycle of life and death. 

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Yue, go seek your new Master. You are free now.

I was adamant. I did not want a new Master. Perhaps Clow saw my intransigence and he smiled then. Such a gentle smile. I think my reluctance must have been written on my face. As he stroked my silvery hair softly with his slender fingers, he pronounced me the Judge for the new Master.

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Yue, you are to judge the next Clow Card Master. In the event that a new Master is chosen for the cards, you shall make the ultimate judgment. Should the potential master be unqualified, you shall unleash the Punishment.

I looked up at Clow then. His eyes were closed. He had stopped stroking my hair. The gold silken threads running in patterns along his cloak caught the last of the sunrays as it streamed in through the full-length windows. The view outside was remarkable, a shimmering emerald sea with the glorious red sun slightly peeking out from the horizon. Seagulls skimmed low over the waters. The day was coming to an end. And darkness too, would soon descend.

I bade Clow a silent farewell and felt something hot well up in my eyes.

Tears? 

What was I doing? I was betraying myself, displaying my emotions so openly. I was supposed to be cold, unfeeling, and not allowing a single shred of emotion to find its way into my heart. I am the Judge.

Then, the Darkness…it surrounded Cereberus and me. I saw Clow fade away like a mirage in a desert, as if he never was. 

Darkness, it grabs hold of me, forcing me to descend into an eternal abyss. I am now lingering on the boundary of being conscious and unconscious. Dark shadows surround me, beckoning to me, one of the two Clow guardians, to join them. No, I do not wish to return to the Clow book. I do not want to be sealed together with the Clow cards. I just wanted to see Clow again. Even, even just to have another glance of him.

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Yue…I only want you to be happy. I am doing everything within my power in order for you to seek happiness. Soon, you will have a new Master. A Master who is your friend. A Master who will offer you the warmth you've always pined for. A Master whom you will be happy with. Yue, my child…

That was Clow's voice. 

And it was this voice which helped me change my mind.

I crossed the threshold between reality and the eternal abyss. Willingly, I shut my eyes and allowed my wings to envelop me. It was comforting to feel something so soft against my skin. Falling into an eternal sleep might just help alleviate my feelings of loneliness and helplessness. I felt myself transcending beyond time and space. I find myself very exhausted all of a sudden. Perhaps it has been a long while since I have last rested.

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Goodbye, Clow…farewell.

As I descend into an eternal sleep

I carry with me the burden of sadness

As I seek an angel's sanctuary

I see that peace can not come to me

As I bask in moonlight rays

I see shadows lingering near me

Shadows of the past

It clings to me still

Moonlight casts faint shadows

Of all that happens in the past

And it is these shadows 

To which I am bound

Indeed they are the 

Moonlight Shadows…

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End file.
